Who She Couldn't Be
by Hypey0406
Summary: Sequel to "What They Fear Most". Beckett and Castle discover the challenges and rewards of the cover-up. CASKETT, AU
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** This is the continuation of What They Fear Most. I recommend reading that before beginning this one as it is very AU.

Reviews and recommendations are wonderful and will keep these fingers typing away. Please let me know if I need to explain the cover-up better... it makes sense to me but I've been thinking about it for months.

**Who She Couldn't Be**

_**Chapter One**_

Prologue - Kate

Early in the morning, Kate stared at her the clothes in her closet - or correction - the clothes in Renee Black's closet.

Kate Beckett wore leather jackets, Renee Black wore flirty dresses. Kate Beckett wore five inch boots, Renee Black wore beach sandals. Kate Beckett wore her mother's ring and her father's watch, Renee Black wore long earrings and a variety of coordinating accessories.

Kate hated Renee with a passion. Every morning was an internal battle to dress and act like a person who was completely opposite of everything she wanted to be, expect for one thing. Renee Black was alive and Kate Beckett was dead.

It had been months since Alexis Castle's kidnapping, months since her world crumbled and formed into one she didnt recognize. It had all started with four words uttered from her partner's mouth - _You have to die_. Castle's stupid plan.

When he had said that she would have to die, she didnt know how far he would take it. Knowing Castle, she should have expected it to be to the ends of the earth and past that. He had money and resources to make the impossible a reality and enough "friends" to make a person disappear in hours.

The plan was full of flaws and rested on Esposito's shoulders to first disarm and replace the sniper waiting for her. Esposito's military background helped him make an educated guess on where the shooter was positioned based on the photo of Alexis. A stroke of dumb luck occurred when Captain Gates contacted a friend with connections to satellite imagery that helped Esposito map a route to reach the building with the least chance of being spotted. He succeed with minor bruises and replaced the bullets of the gun with blanks. With the sniper in custody, the detectives (under lenient supervision by Captain Gates) were trying to complete Kate's investigation. The shooter had given them solid leads but they still lacked enough evidence to fully resurrect their "deceased" partner.

The other half of the plan relied on Kate and Rick's ability to act, some of which was covered by Alexis' ignorance and genuine emotion of the fake shot. Both had spent hours with the young woman afterwords apologizing for tricking her and allowing her to believe that the detective was dead, but Alexis assured them that she understood the position they were in and was just thankful that Beckett was alive. After being fully informed of the conspiracy, Alexis wanted to act her part as the thankful survivor at her funeral. Rick and her new therapist both argued that it may cause her more harm than necessary, since she had, in fact, been kidnapped, tortured and then watched Kate get shot to save her life. "The mixing of two realities can be confusing for a survivor of a traumatic experience" said Dr. Burke.

Kate had first hand experience of the trauma he referred too. As soon as the blank bullet hit her chest, Kate's mind reeled back to the cemetery. She felt the blood bag (a donation from Castle's overflowing Halloween closet) exploded in-between her jacket and the Kevlar vest and her heart stopped for a few seconds as she feared that maybe the plan hadn't worked at all. Hearing Alexis' cries and feeling Castle's salty tears on her cheek did not help as the pain from a few cracked ribs burned through her body. Only her partner's steady hand on her arm held her still and pulled her away from the memory of the year before.

She had to lay still for over an hour before Ryan and Lanie wheeled her out of the room in a body bag. Lanie's temper was infamous enough to insure that no one would touch or even look at the detective without the medical examiner's permission. Castle and Martha helped her transform well enough to be smuggled out of the morgue and into Martha's awaiting car.

In the Hamptons, Kate was finally able to hide in peace. She dyed her hair red on a whim so she could act like a long lost niece or something of Martha's. Castle's earlier paranoia of a paparazzi taking pictures of his young daughter in her swimming suit resulted in him over-paying for a very exclusive house on the beach. The privacy of the neighborhood allowed Kate to relax in the sun and find some much needed rest.

Castle followed his family weeks later, after securing Kate's new identity and working with Jim Beckett on burying her old one. Acting as the mourning partner and friend, Castle's picture had been splashed across the tabloids and entertainment news. Castle worked the news like a pro, looking almost as disheveled as one would expect when losing a close friend, but when he entered the beach house and pulled Kate into his arms, she realized that he might not have been faking it as much as she thought.

They spent that night in eachother's arms and when morning arrived they let it pass until hunger drove them from the warmth of their reunion. Any fear of the roadblocks that had consumed the first weeks of their new relationship disappeared as the former detective and her writer began a new partnership.

For weeks Kate and Castle's family spent huddled in the seclusion of the beach house. Each knew that the time spent away from the reality of their conspiracy grew shorter every moment. Soon Martha returned to her acting school, fielding questions and condolences from her students. Kate forced Castle to return with Alexis as she began her summer orientation course to make sure the father and daughter had time together before her school work tore them apart again.

Kate used the solitude to think of a path to take away from the bright lights that was always her home, away from the streets she used to patrol, away from the dark corner where her mother died, and away from the grave marked with her name. Her only link to her new life would follow as soon as he could get away, but for now she was on her own.

With her new wardrobe sitting in a borrowed designer suitcase next to her, she stared through large dark sunglasses at the last place of sanctuary - the last place Kate Beckett would ever exist. Stepping onto the plane alone, Renee Black made her appearance to the world. And as much as she tried to be grateful for her new identity, Kate hated her instead.

_Read and Review. Please and Thank you._


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Again, this is the continuation of What They Fear Most. I recommend reading that before beginning this one as it is very AU.

Two for the price of one! I am switching up POV's in this one. Hope you enjoy...

**Who She Couldn't Be**

_**Chapter Two**_

Prologue 2 - Castle

Castle hated Renee Black. He hated the spring dresses she wore and her beach sandals. He hated her necklaces and big sunglasses. He hated everything that made her the opposite of Kate Beckett.

When Rick had suggested faking her death he thought he was finding a loophole to saving two of the most important women in his life, but the reality had him losing pieces of both. Alexis was still recovering from her kidnapping and even though she insisted on living in campus housing, the first few months after they returned from the Hamptons would find her cuddled on her bedroom floor. She would stay with him for a few days before her class work distracted her enough to push away any lingering fears.

Months passed before Castle was strong enough to leave New York and Alexis for more than a few days at a time. Balancing his care for his daughter left little time in developing his budding relationship with Kate and made him wonder if that was what his plan had come down to sacrificing her for Alexis after all. Kate couldn't live in their world, she had to make a new one by herself, and Castle had to straddle both worlds the best he could.

Lying in bed next to Kate, he fingered her dark red curls and thought about all of the ways he hated her new identity. Rick had spent years fantasizing what it would be like to date Kate Beckett - brushing hands by the murder board after she instigated a no-contact zone around the precinct, breaking that rule in the break room during a heated case, walking in Central Park like a normal couple. Dating Renee Black was nothing like that - it was long walks on the beach, eating at cozy restaurants, and relaxing in a condo on a secluded island. Gone were stolen glances in the precinct- gone was the relationship they were supposed to have.

Not that the relationship they had now wasn't everything to him. She was still the remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating woman that he fell in love with years ago. They would still banter over coffee in the morning hours and her unexpected touch would make his skin burn with electricity. Overtime though Kate had taken to a different personality in public, one that was dangerously close to slipping in their private time as well. She smiled more, but not the true smile that he normally received over coffee. She laughed more, but it didn't sound the same as when she was laughing at something the boys said in the break room.

Castle would often catch himself counting the moments when her facade slipped away and her real personality shined through. But his constant trips back home to check on Alexis and keep up appearances around the city resulted in him returning to find the facade growing stronger over time. He knew what they were both afraid of - the longer Kate Beckett stayed dead, the harder it would be for her to ever return.

That fear drove him from the warmth of their bed before dawn almost every day. He would find himself pawing through the meager findings Ryan and Esposito had uncovered recently. Hoping and searching for the one string that would unravel years of lies so that Kate could finally come back to home.

_Read and Review. Please and Thank you._


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Sorry for the delay. I wrote this chapter twice – the first time didn't sound quite right and then when I got this out it changed where the next chapter was supposed to go so I had to sit on it for a little bit. To complete by apology, I'm putting up the next chapter as well so two for the price of one.

Thanks for all the reviews!

**Who She Couldn't Be**

_**Chapter Three**_

Kate stood outside the taxi as Castle piled the luggage on the dusty sidewalk of the island's airport. The heat and humidity made her softly curled hair frizz in the afternoon humidity and beads of sweat piled against her neck. Even then, she would have traded so much to stand in that one spot with him for hours more.

After the cabbie was pre-paid for her return trip to the condo and handsomely tipped for his services, Castle pulled Kate into a short but loving kiss.

She watched him until he was lost in the crowded airport lobby. It took all the strength she had to not follow him, tell him that she was tired of hiding and wanted to live in his world again. Turning to the cab, she felt the last strand of her old life fall from her grasp.

Knowing Castle would be back in a few weeks did not quell the restless feeling in her heart as she watched the island city's small downtown blur past the cab window. Suddenly, the cab felt confining and she asked the cabbie to stop.

"But he paid for the whole way, we are not halfway yet?" the cabbie argued in a thick island accent.

"I don't care" Kate said, throwing a few dollars of her own at the cabbie so as not to feel like the kept woman she knew she had become.

The money issue had become increasingly difficult to ignore in the past few months. Even with her substantial savings, Kate could barely have made it two months on the island without the writer's help. He argued that it was only through her help that his Nikki Heat series had done so well, but even that justification would wear thin at some point.

And it wasn't that Kate didn't want to work, she loved being busy and active. The past few months had been a nice break from her normal caffeine-driven days but she was growing tired of books and movies as the only way to distract her from her seclusion. Castle begged her not to look for a job and enjoy the break, but as she walked down the busy island main street she wondered if his apprehension ran a little deeper than his distaste for manual labor. He feared that if she started making a life here, they would realize she would probably never be able to return home. Unfortunately, Kate feared the same.

Passing by the local coffee shop, Kate noticed the job board with various help-wanted fliers tacked on. In that moment, Kate finally admitted to herself something she had been dreading for months. New York wasn't her home anymore – it was time to find a job.

* * *

Sitting under the bright spotlights, Castle watched the makeup artists flutter around the television host making last minute touch-ups. The blonde host of "Good Morning, New York", read over her notes without acknowledging his presence as they heard the weatherman telling the weekly forecast on the other side of the sound stage.

Normally TV hostesses would spend this time flirting with the famous author, even when he was married or had brought his young daughter with him. Castle felt the shift the moment he had walked onto the set. He was no longer looked at as the "rich and famous" Rick Castle, instead the hostess had given him her condolences on the loss of his friend before focusing her attention on the questions she would be asking him in a few moments.

It didn't surprise him, he was supposed to be in mourning. But as he looked in the mirror along the greenroom wall, he noticed that he was playing his part a little too well. The bags under his eyes and the somber tones of his designer suit made him look like he had lost the love of his life, even though he he had only been away from her for a few days.

As the weatherman introduced the next segment, the blonde reporter in front of him quickly dropped her cards and put her normal daytime-anchor smile on.

"We are thrilled to welcome New York Times bestselling author Richard Castle to our studio this morning. Rick, it is so nice to see you." the blonde greeted him as if she hadn't been sitting across from him for the past several minutes.

"Well, thank you Olivia. I am happy to be here." Castle replied trying his best to return her superficial smile.

"Rick, we are all so excited to read the next volume of the Nikki Heat series. Personally, I have been just crossing down the days until it arrives in bookstores."

"January 11th, by the way" Castle playfully interrupted, his agent's strong advice to appear positive and upbeat ringing in his ears.

"Yes, January 11th, and it was so unfortunate that you weren't able to release the book on schedule in September. On behalf of the station and our viewers, we are so sorry for your loss."

After bracing himself for a moment, Castle replied "Yes, losing Detective Beckett was a very difficult time and I was very appreciative to be allowed an extension in order to spend time with my family and friends."

"You were following Detective Kate Beckett for research correct? And it was reported that you were with her on that specific case?" the hostess prodded., hoping to get a response that was not already covered in his earlier public release on the death.

"Detective Beckett was my muse and inspiration for the Nikki Heat character. I had been following her for several years, and was fortunate enough to witness her incredible police work and call her a friend." Castle replied as emotionless as he could while talking about his "dead" partner.

"But were you there that day?" the blonde pushed.

"Yes, I was with Kate, and the NYPD asks that I not speak any further about the case." Castle pushed back, a slight nerve in his voice warning her to drop the line of questions.

"That must have been terrible... but you mentioned the detective was an inspiration for Nikki Heat? Does that mean that you will no longer write for the character?"

Glancing over the woman's shoulder, Castle caught a glance of his image in the television screens displayed around the stage. The shock was evident on his face as he had not thought of yet another ramification of the coverup. He had already lost Kate in his professional and public life, would he have to lose Nikki too?

_Read and Review. Please and Thank you._


	4. Chapter 4

**Who She Couldn't Be**

_**Chapter Four**_

Running into the condo, Kate kicked off her shoes and threw her keys on the nearby bench.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I know I'm late but work was just crazy." Kate yelled as she walked out of the back room to change out of her work clothes. Her roommate and new best friend sat patiently on the couch waiting for their ritual walk.

"Oh you would not believe the customers I had today. I swear if I ever get back to New York I will tip my barista better. Some people act like this is the best job I could have asked for in life... which well, for Renee I guess it is... but that is so not the point. This is not my dream job... whose dream job would be to sell coffee to a bunch of rich tourists." Ranting as she changed into a fresh shirt and capri jeans.

"Granted my dream job almost got me killed... or well did get me killed... I don't know. I guess I don't have much to complain about do I? I mean it puts food on our table... not that Castle isn't still helping out some."

A sharp reply from the couch at Castle's name reminded her of his not outstanding reception at his last visit.

"Oh don't be like that. You like Rick... I know you do. Besides, you better get over it now. His plane arrives in a few hours and you better be on your best behavior."

A definitive _"hmph" _was the only response to the news as Kate ran back into the room to retrieve her tennis shoes.

"Come on Hootch, lets go for a quick walk before we try to find a taxi that wont mind your muddy paws." Kate replied, grabbing his leash on the way out.

* * *

"Hootch, I will seriously ban you from this bedroom if you don't stop drooling on my pillow while I'm gone."

Looking at the end of the king-sized bed, Castle suddenly felt that he was losing yet another argument to the medium-sized black lab.

"Stop yelling at him, he is just keeping your side warm when you are in New York." Kate argued as she came out of the bathroom.

"More like moist..." Castle mumbled as he grabbed an extra pillow out of the closet.

"Remember, I've got to get up for an early shift tomorrow so will you take him for a morning jog." Kate said as she cuddled up to him under the comforter with the canine at her feet.

"Coffee house or bookstore?"

"Both, coffee house in the morning but I should have a break around lunch before I go into the book store for a couple of hours. Meet me at the usual spot?"

"Of course and I'm assuming you want _him _to come too." Castle replied seeing Hootch's ears perk up at the reference to the usual spot right by the beach where he could chase crabs and turtles while Kate and Rick enjoyed a brief time of sun together.

"Of course." mumbled Kate, already half asleep.

Castle rolled over to watch her sleep as he thought about how much had changed in the past few months. It was coming onto a year since they had faked her death, a fact not mentioned by the partners but both keenly aware of its approach. The few leads they had still did not result in any hard evidence although Castle was getting weekly updates from their old team. All involved wanted this to be resolved, no more so than Rick who was at his wits end from shuffling between Alexis in New York and Kate's condo on the island. Both women had noticed his fatigue and argued for him to stay with the other more permanently, but he ended up agreeing to alternating months instead of bi-weekly plane trips. Especially after Kate got her jobs.

Her jobs... he still remembers their argument over the phone when Kate told him about applying for the coffee house job. It was their worst fight yet in their young relationship and he regretted not being so understanding that the part-time job at the bookstore was not nearly enough to cover Kate's anxiety of not working her normal police workload. So she took in a second job, mainly to get out of the apartment and cover her groceries and clothing bills... and anything for Hooch.

Hooch, that damn dog. She had told him that she had a surprise for him one day when she picked him up from the airport. He thought maybe she had broken down and gotten the motorbike she had her eyes on during his last trip. The idea of riding around on matching bikes across the beach and island roads was enticing, but she had been adamant that walking the short distance from her condo to the bus stop was more economical at the time. When they arrived at the condo, he was surprised to see the black lab perched on her couch.

Staring at Castle, Hooch seemed to understand immediately that the writer was a competitor to Kate's attention. It took the writer a little bit longer to make the same conclusion but when they climbed in bed that night it was crystal clear. The next day, Castle bought him an extra large dog bed as a gift, but both man and dog knew that it was Rick's way of marking where the dog was supposed so sleep. Not that he always got the message, he was a stubborn dog. Which Kate teased, was the reason she christened him "Hooch" - saying she missed her partner so much that she got a dog that reminded her of him. He looked nothing like the dog from the movie but after watching them on the couch while he typed at the kitchen table, Castle began to understand the sentiment.

He just tried hard to not feel replaced at the same time.

_AN: This one was for my little one. I got the idea walking him today and ran with it. _

_My goal is to have the next one up this weekend, I'm hoping to move the plot a little more next time._


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